26 Aug One + One = One

This is a mystery which no mathematician can solve! It is a profound truth of two becoming one in marriage! Marriage was instituted by God and His formula is unique in that we have two different individuals coming together and living as one, accepting each other with all the baggage and adjusting to each other’s ego, preferences, likes and dislikes. Christian marriage and families are the replica of God on earth, representing the Triune God and reflecting the love and bond between them. If families are strong the society will be strong and the Church will be strong! If families fail the purpose of God, everything fails. Families are under attack these days, and Satan has strategically kept an eye on them to break them so that there will be chaos and confusion everywhere. Let us consider God’s intention for marriages and families.

God: The Architect and Builder

The first marriage was initiated by God in the Garden of Eden. It is God who felt that, ‘it is not good for man to be alone, I will make a suitable helper for him’ Gen 2: 18.
The first costectomy was done by God when He took a rib from the man and made a woman and brought her to him! Adam was surrounded by nature, animals and all creation and everything was provided for him to live a satisfied life. He had the company of God too. But God saw that he needed a human companion and so he took the initiative and made a right partner for him thus executing the institution of marriage.

The moment Adam saw his partner Eve, he could not contain himself but broke forth into a song, the first ever romantic poem composed and recited by him, to express his emotions owning her as a part of his own body, the missing rib, a person created in the image of God and accepting her as his equal partner (‘bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’). There was no superiority-inferiority complex, no competition, no domination, no control, but was simply captivated with love for her, the perfect choice from God. In their relationship there was no secrecy between them but there was transparency and oneness.

When God created Eve for Adam, she was a suitable companion for him. Selecting a right life partner is the best choice one can make which decides the rest of life. ‘God gives His very best to those who leave the choice with Him’ is a tested and proven fact. When God gives, it is the right choice and they fit in perfectly like the bricks placed together in a building. It does not mean that they will not face any problems in life, but they can face it together with the strength of God knowing that it is God Who united them. Waiting for God’s initiative and choice is hard in today’s fast-paced world. Instead of depending on God and receiving His best choice, folks are on the lookout for their partner by ‘falling’ in love solely based on their preferences and likings. The period of getting to know each other sometimes crosses all boundaries and they become emotionally so entangled that they are incapable of listening to God’s voice. Many are in a hurry to choose for themselves and later regret too. If we choose by ourselves, it is easy to let go when things do not go according to our expectation. We live in a world where changing partners either before or after marriage is like changing clothes. But God has strictly prohibited it in marriage by commanding, ‘what God has united let no man separate’! When we make a vow before the Lord, it is a commitment for a lifetime. Therefore, choosing the partner wisely and working on the marriage with God’s wisdom and grace will determine the future of our life. Once we mess it up it becomes extremely difficult and even irreversible. If the foundation of marriage is on God, the Solid Rock, we will not be shaken despite the pressures or storms in life. A God-centered marriage stands strong as it says in Eccl 4: 12, ‘A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.’

Sin: The Destroyer

The relationship between spouses is meant to be unique and revolutionary in nature compared to the standards of the world. But sin marred the beauty of this relationship and subsequently began to rule over and dominate. There was shame, guilt, covering up oneself, blame, etc. The effect of sin was so serious that it affected the whole system of marriage and its purpose leading even to break-ups. We often misquote Eph 5:22 without seeing verse 21 where it begins with ‘submit to one another.’ We focus entirely on the wife’s submission and obedience and don’t pay any attention to the role of the husband. The husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. There is no other degree of love, or demands, or conditions. The model of Christ’s love is the paradigm that is set. Which wife will not submit or respect her husband if he shows such a sacrificial love? Which husband will not love if the wife respects and submits to him as unto the Lord? It is a natural outflow of love and respect which is reciprocal in nature totally eliminating the need to enforce anything on either spouse. Submission and love should not be demanded, but it is to be voluntary and spontaneous. Often we expect submission like a slave with the idea of the husband bossing over or expecting love even when the wife is not willing to submit. There is a spirit of competition and rebellion resulting in ‘yours and mine’! But the formula says One+One=One, ‘ours’! Many families struggle with ‘my money-your money, my family- your family, my work- your work, my duties- your duties and so on.

This calls us to retrospect our behavior with each other. How do we treat our spouse? Is it like a machine with no emotions? The way we talk, react or respond shows how much we respect them as the image-bearers of God. Do we accept each other with all the shortcomings or weaknesses or do we treat each other as doormats seeking to fulfil our own selfish agendas? Do we let down our spouses in front of others? Do we speak with respect to each other in front of children? Children will respect their parents by observing the way their parents treat each other. If we follow the model of agape love where God accepted us with all our vulnerabilities, we too will be able to show each other love and respect. A word of appreciation and encouragement can lift up the spouse and do wonders. Mistakes and errors can be corrected with love and care.

Believing families are not spared from the tactics of the devil either. We need to understand the schemes of the evil one and fight against it with the grace and strength of God because the One Who is in us is greater than the one who is in the world. No family is perfect, but both the spouses should be willing to come together, forgive one another, pray together, and move together thus glorifying God and setting a model for the children who will be building families in the future. May we be the trendsetters for them as they observe us closely each day, watching how we handle issues with the help of the Lord. If we don’t do it, they draw values from the world outside.

God: The Rebuilder

Jesus has freed us from the curse of domination and He wants us to get back to the original intent of marriage. He restored the marred and broken relationship by His sacrifice and reinstated it by quoting the same verse from Genesis, the two becoming one and the covenant relationship which no one can break (Matthew 19). This formula has to be reemphasized in our families through our words and actions. We are no more independent individuals but two individuals from different backgrounds, accepting and adjusting with one another thus fulfilling God’s original design. Humility to uplift one another and bring out the best in each other is what God expects us to do. How beautiful the families look if the spouses sing to each other even after years of marriage, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’! So many conflicts can be avoided if we consider each other as our own and care for each other as we care for our own body. That is the model Christ expects from each family. Instead of biting and devouring, blaming each other, displaying the sacrificial love of God can make the families stronger, fulfilling the God-given purposes. Having the attitude of Christ and considering the other better than oneself can do miracles in families.

The purpose of marriage is to be together, to enjoy each other’s presence, to do things together, to complement each other, and to support one another. Our call as families is to be in one accord, serving one another and serving God together, having the same mind, purpose and vision to be involved in God’s mission. This has to be thought through carefully right from the time that one begins to think and pray about choosing the partner and marriage and renew it even in married life. Often couples struggle after the marriage and it affects their family and involvement. Being one even in vision enhances the harmony in the family and ministry. Right from the beginning God chose families to glorify God and to be a light to the nations. If we deliberately disobey this call, we have nothing much to offer to the world. If families are affected, God’s mission is affected.

Conclusion

God is the initiator and the perfector of marriage, and He desires families to fulfill His dreams and purposes. Families are His agents on the earth to display the beauty of harmonious relationships. The invisible God is reflected in the world through our visible lifestyle. God being the center of our family will help and guide us even in our vulnerabilities, making us victorious, holding out the biblical values amidst the changing values of the world. The ultimate purpose of marriage is to glorify God and so let us recommit ourselves as families by renewing our vows and covenant made in the presence of God and others. Let love be the major ingredient in our families thus creating a taste of heaven on earth!

Jessy Jacob, UESI staff based at Chennai, married to Mr. Jacob Varghese and they are blessed with two daughters, Prashansa teaching in a school & Prerna doing her M.A at Pondicherry University. As a family their passion is to build up young leaders with high spiritual caliber to impact their campuses, society and nation at large.