14 Aug Emotional & Relational Fitness

When life gets overwhelming it is a good practice to examine life: Am I on the right track that God commanded me to go on? Am I loving God and others? Am I eating well? Am I spending time with God and His Word? In Mk 12:30-31, Jesus reminds us that there are two commandments that are of utmost importance: loving God and loving others. All other commandments rest on these two.

What damages our relationships is not the offences we have with each other but the inability to forgive and love each other.

If there is a lack of forgiveness then there will be bitterness and bitterness will lead to hatred, hatred will result in anger and anger will further lead to vengeance which will never be satisfied. Vengeance will go deep down within us the longer we allow it to stay. The price of vengeance is extremely high. The refusal to forgive can become self-destructive because it destroys us physically, mentally and spiritually.

Even psychologists say that unforgiveness can impact a person’s wellbeing very badly. But sadly some psychologists have an opposite view; they state that forgiveness is unhealthy, needs to be resolved and the best way to do so is to be vindictive. But as Christians we all know that forgiveness is God’s character and a command to us.

Consequences of an unforgiving and unloving attitude
1. People will become slaves to their past. If they continue to harbor an unforgiving/unloving attitude, that attitude will grow at an alarming proportion resulting in feelings of guilt. They will ultimately choose to hate over love.

2. Bitterness is malignant and can harass, create distorted memories and give a distorted view of life. Anger becomes uncontrollable, emotions are expressed unchecked, and every conversation would be full of hatred. Ideas about revenge flood the mind and opportunities for defamation are sought after.

3. An unforgiving and unloving person is an unwelcome member in the fellowship. Like leaven they can have a negative impact on other believers. People wouldn’t like to be with that person because he/she is filled with hatred.

4. Failure to forgive results in divine chastening.

5. In the parable of the unmerciful slave, the master’s reprimand is, “You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave in the same way?” Jam 2:13 (NASB) says that judgement will be meted out without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgement. Mt 5:7 says, “Blessed are the merciful, for they be shown mercy”. Mt 6:12 says,- “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors”. Mt 6:14 goes on to say-“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you”.

6. It brings dryness, emptiness and dullness. There is lack of joy and power. Marriages, families and fellowships are affected. Why? Because instead of forgiveness, the heart is filled with vengeance, bitterness, anger, hatred and hostility.

The absence of forgiveness and love in any relationship shows the absence of the fruit of Holy Spirit in our life and it also shows an unregenerated heart. An unforgiving heart is an egoistic heart.

Why forgive – Biblical and Theological Reasons
1. It is a direct command of God. No act is more divine than when we forgive. There are a few references from the Bible which describe forgiveness and mercy as divine attributes. We see this in Ex 34:7 which says, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands …” We see this also in Ps 32 Ps 85 Ps 130, Is 1:18, Is 55:7 and Jer 33:8.

2. A touching example of forgiveness is seen in the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15. The wretched, sinful young man comes back, helpless, unable to compensate for his sins, desperate for reconciliation, but can only beg for mercy and when he pleads for mercy he receives a robe, a ring and a pair of sandals. He is accepted back as the son. This is the love of God. Mt 5:44-45, Eph 4:32; 5:1, Col 3:13. Ascribing Lordship to Jesus verbally doesn’t save anyone but only when we do the will of the Heavenly Father do we exhibit His Lordship in our lives. Otherwise we will hear the Lord say, “Depart from me, I never knew you”.

3. In Ex 20, – the 6th commandment given is, “Do not murder”. This commandment refers not only to the physical act of murder. It is more than that, Mt 5:21-22, 39, 43, and 44. Jesus says that if you hate someone in your heart then you are a murderer, for according to 1 Jn 3:15a, anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer. Hatred is a by product of unforgiveness and it will definitely destroy our good fruit and snatch away our love for others and expose our bad intrinsic values. As Christians it is our responsibility to get rid of all hatred, all abuse and all sense of vengeance. How we treat others is a reflection of how we treat Christ because every human being is created in the image of God.

4. The death penalty is not just for murderers it is for haters too. If we are not mindful of honouring the image of God in ourselves then how can we see the image of God in others? Are we so proud that we can’t see our own sins but that of others only? If we were offended and that is our excuse for an unforgiving attitude, then we should not forget that Jesus was more offended than us. We must manifest Christlikeness in our responses. In Mt 18, a servant was forgiven by the king but the unforgiving servant was unmerciful to his fellow servant. That is why the king punished him without showing him mercy. God will punish in the same way.

How to deal with an unforgiving behavior

• Rom 12:14 says- “Bless those who persecute you”, and in Rom 12:17, 19- we read, “Never take revenge for revenge is mine”. Leave the retaliation and reciprocation to God Who perfectly understands the issue. He has the highest standard, which is pure, perfect, just and impartial. His authority is unlimited. God uses our trials, offences and injuries to strengthen us, so if we respond to the offences we are interrupting God’s best work in our lives.
• All the criticism, injustice, persecution, mistreatments and misunderstandings, we face perfect us –1 Peter 5:10.
• The injuries that run deep are invariably from those closest to us. Being wounded by the closest ones are the toughest to deal with too. Still we have to embrace those who injured us because revenge is sugared poison.

Stunning outcome of forgiveness and love

We should not love and forgive others begrudgingly rather we should delight in it. Then we will experience immense joy, peace and tranquility. Forgiveness honors God.

To forgive is like writing “Nothing Owed” in bold. It is like pardoning the capital sentence of a prisoner. It is healthy and wholesome. Only the brave can do this. It expresses generosity of heart.

Ps 19 says, “A man’s foolishness is not to forgive”. Forgiveness is the greatest virtue of all. The last words of Jesus on the cross were, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing,” Lk 23:34.

Conclusion
Forgiveness and love bring heaven on earth and heaven’s peace into the troubled heart.

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” – C.S. Lewis.

Sweety Kandera, is living in Karnal (Haryana), She has been involving in UESI since 2024 as a student. She has completed master’s in MA Economics and preparing for competitive exams.