26 Aug Altogether in Perfect Family

1) Marriage is God ordained
God ordained marriage and the family with the first couple Adam and Eve in a sinless world. Marriage was instituted and blessed by God. Heb.13.4; so, it is holy. God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.” Gen 1.27-28. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Gen 2.18.
The relationship of a husband and wife within a marriage shows the beauty of God’s rule and harmony. Eph.5.31-33. In a family there is love, submission, authority, respect, acceptance, appreciation, mutual help, headship, fellowship, obedience, trust, service and a sense of belonging to one another that brings a wonderful harmony.

2) Equally created but different
Husband and wife are equal in status before God, but different physically, emotionally and mentally from each other. They complement each other. The Bible does not talk about male superiority. We have, in our cultural background, a strange feeling that women are second grade human beings.  It is a wrong notion.  God created both of them as equals.  However, when their roles come into play, the husband is given the leadership by God in marriage.
Coming from two different backgrounds, husbands and wives differ in many things.  This should not surprise them but they need to understand that these differences show needs and a harmony in their unity.  They meet each other’s needs through these differences and hence grow together. The diverse characteristics are meant to be complementary. When differences become complements, there is a dynamic unity in the context of a loving relationship.

How to capitalise on the divine design
a) Be aware of the differences.
b) Recognise the validity of each other’s natural tendencies.
c) Make them work together to enrich marriage.

Some Suggestions:

• Husband to wife – The wife needs security through ample appreciation and reassurance. Give importance to certain ‘small’ things. Give sufficient time for togetherness.  Recognize the variation in the moods. Be considerate and patient. Do not reject the wife’s suggestions. Discover her individual needs and try to meet them.
• Wife to husband – The wife is to accept her husband as he is. Another important key to a happy marriage is understanding. Her support can give him strength in every situation. A wife should be sensitive to her husband. Another key is approval. It does not mean that the wife approves everything but it shows that the wife is conscious of the husband’s merit.  She will not blame him but will share the blame. The next thing is appreciation.  When understood properly and accepted mutually, the differences between the husband and wife no longer irritate one another but generate sympathy. God created a woman as man’s companion, not another man. God designed the differences in the genders for a purpose.

3) Monogamy is God’s plan
God created one man and one woman. Monogamy means married with one person at a time. Whenever any man or woman married more than one person there has been problems in the family. In marriage a man and woman come together as life partners. There has been a lot of deviation from the pattern God has made.
God Himself ordered that it was not good for man to be alone. It not only removes loneliness, but it also provides for fellowship, friendship and partnership.  It provides for a lasting, very meaningful and intimate relationship between husband and wife. A leader has to be the husband of one wife (Titus 1:6).

4) Irrevocable commitment Mal. 2.14
A Christian marriage is a commitment not a convenience, a complement not a competition between a husband and wife and also a covenant not a contract. The marriage covenant is an irrevocable and final commitment. God made covenant promises to Noah, Adam, Abraham, Moses etc. Every covenant is initiated by God and it could not be nullified.  As God is one of the parties to the covenants that He had made at various times, the covenants were holy and they were bound to be kept.
In the same way, marriage is also called a covenant. It is not a convenient, comfort, arrangement, promise or any such thing, but it is to be kept till the end and cannot be broken under any circumstances.  This gives Christian marriage the permanency.  Divorce does not even come into the picture at all. The husband and wife are bound to one another until death parts.

5) Becoming one flesh
The fundamental rule for the husband and wife is to leave, cleave and to become one flesh.Gen.2.24. In Christian marriage, both husband and wife find the fulfilment of their needs and desires – in a holistic way. I Cor.7.3; I Cor. 6:15-20. Cleaving to one another in sickness and health, poverty and wealth, pleasure and pain, days fair as well as foul, agreements and disagreements. Needs are identified and met in marriage.  The deepest needs are met in the most intimate relationships.  This includes the fulfilment of the sexual needs of the husband and wife.  Their inadequacies are met in their relationship as one person’s strength will help in the other person’s weakness and vice versa.  In other words, husbands and wives becomes complementary to one another for their mutual growth.

6) Believers as partners – I Pet. 3:7.  
In a Christian marriage, two believers can support each other, move with one purpose. They can bear the burden together because they are moving with a single purpose – to glorify God and live for His purpose. They believe in God and the Bible; they have the same values and can support one another’s burdens. Getting married is like becoming a Christian. One leaves his former style of life and commits oneself to each other in Christ. Rom. 10:9-10; Acts 16:31; Phil. 3:7, 8.
Marriage involves a man and a woman entering into a responsible, mutual, exclusive, permanent, chaste, and total commitment in spite of possible adversities. People should know that they must face problems and seek God’s help and not run away.

7) Oneness through unity
The husband and wife enjoy intimate relationship as compared with Jesus and the church. We all have a God-shaped vacuum in our hearts. Until this vacuum is filled by God, we wander through life in meaningless existence. It is only when we enter into a relationship with the Creator that the void is filled. This vertical relationship, which begins with conversion, is intended to become deeper and more intimate as we journey with the Lord. This leads to the horizontal relationship with one another. This becomes evident that we have a vertical relationship (I John 1:7, 2:9, John 3:16 & I John 3:16)

a) Emotional oneness – When we are emotionally intimate, we feel close to each other. We feel emotionally supported and cared for by our mate. There is a sharing of hurts, joys and a sense that each one is genuinely interested in the well-being of the other.
b) Social Intimacy – When we are socially intimate, we have many friends in common as opposed to socializing separately. Do you have many of the same friends in common?
c) Sexual Intimacy – The sexual intimacy involves more than the new performance of the sex act. If our relationship is sexually intimate, we are satisfied with our sex life.
d) Intellectual Intimacy – Intellectual intimacy involves the sharing of ideas. It is more than a superficial conversation, value your mate’s opinions and share your own. Conversations become stimulating and enriching.
e) Recreational Intimacy – When we are recreationally intimate, we enjoy and share in many of the same just-for-fun activities outdoor or indoor activities like travelling, eating outside, etc.
f) Spiritual Intimacy – It is being able to share your spiritual self, find this reciprocated and have a sense of union with your mate. It is an act of self-disclosure, of opening yourself up to someone else and privileging them with a genuine glimpse of who you really are.

A feeling that you are spiritually in time as a couple. It is to find it reciprocated. We realize that you cannot stand alone and experience intimacy.

We can have all the other dimensions of closeness, like emotional, intellectual, sexual, social and recreational; but if we are lacking the spiritual, we are really missing out the best God intended for His children.  It is always worth the effort to have all that God intends.

Mr. Andriyas Singh, is the UKEGF EC President. He came to know Christ in 1976. Later he connected to Allahabad EU and served as EU President, later UPEGF President. He was a teacher, Vice Principal and Principal