16 Oct Three Good Things About Bad Times

The story of Amy Purdy, a Paralympic bronze medallist, model, and snowboarder is a source of inspiration for millions of people. At the age of 19, she lost both her legs because of bacterial meningitis. She struggled with depression, but could finally overcome it, when she learned to accept her new reality. After being unable to find prosthetics that would allow her to snowboard, she started building her own. Today, she is a world champion female adaptive snowboarder. In 2005, she co-founded a non-profit called Adaptive Action Sports, to help people with physical challenges enter into action sports.

Without any exception, we all go through bad times. These bad times could be the times of sickness or a tragedy, a conflict or a career setback, a financial crisis or a looming uncertainty about the future. When we come face to face with these bad times, they create a lot of stress, make us depressed, take away our joy and can become very painful and agonizing experiences. Part of the agony is because we seem to ignore the reality that these struggles are an essential part of life. Part of the agony is also because we see these bad times to be only destructive with no value for our growth and development.

But, when responded properly, some of the most difficult experiences in life can actually turn into the most useful ones. To put it in the words of Amy Purdy herself “Instead of looking at our challenges and limitations as something negative or bad, we can begin to look at them as blessings, magnificent gifts that can be used to ignite our imaginations and help us go further than we ever knew we could go”. Though bad times are not good in themselves, there are certainly positive things that can happen to us as we experience these bad times. Here are three such good things about bad times.

Without any exception, we all go through bad times. These bad times could be the times of sickness or a tragedy, a conflict or a career setback, a financial crisis or a looming uncertainty about the future. When we come face to face with these bad times, they create a lot of stress, make us depressed, take away our joy and can become very painful and agonizing experiences. Part of the agony is because we seem to ignore the reality that these struggles are an essential part of life. Part of the agony is also because we see these bad times to be only destructive with no value for our growth and development.

But, when responded properly, some of the most difficult experiences in life can actually turn into the most useful ones. To put it in the words of Amy Purdy herself “Instead of looking at our challenges and limitations as something negative or bad, we can begin to look at them as blessings, magnificent gifts that can be used to ignite our imaginations and help us go further than we ever knew we could go”. Though bad times are not good in themselves, there are certainly positive things that can happen to us as we experience these bad times. Here are three such good things about bad times.

Bad times help us examine our foundations
Foundations are the core beliefs, values and principles that govern our attitudes and actions. These foundations determine how we deal with issues, make decisions, handle relationships and face challenges. Most of life’s issues are actually issues with our foundations. Towards the end of his sermon on the mount, Jesus compares the foundations of two houses (Matthew 7:24-27). The two houses were built on two different foundations. But the truth about these foundations was evident only when the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew.
Since foundations are not visible, we tend to either forget them or assume they are strong. This is where bad times do us a favour by revealing the strength of our foundations. They show us the cracks and leaks. During these bad times we come to know whether our lives are built on a godly foundation or a faulty foundation. As Martin Luther King said “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

It is at the times of difficulty our foundations are exposed and tested, and we get an opportunity to repair or rebuild them. As we do that, we can go deeper and become stronger in our foundations. As Paul writes to Ephesians we are supposed to be built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone (Ephesians 2:20). A genuine, deep and growing relationship with Jesus Christ and practising His word in our daily life is the secure foundation that can help us go through tough times.

The story of Phyllis Hendry illustrates this point very well. She is the President and CEO of “Lead Like Jesus”, an organization that helps people lead like Jesus. Phyllis says that she was a type of person who could not give up control. She loves making lists and crossing things off her list. She said, “I had my life so planned out. My husband and I were going to grow old together, have grandchildren and travel. It was a good plan!”

But, everything changed in 1990 when her husband had a heart attack. She rushed him to the hospital but he never recovered from the fatal stoke. After several years, Phyllis remarried, and over the next almost 19 years her family blended well with the family of her second husband. They came together to love each other very well. Then, in July 2011, they were shocked to learn that her husband, a big, strong healthy guy who did not smoke, had lung cancer. Though he faced it with lot of courage, he passed away in March 2012. And then his mother died in July, and his father died in December.

During those tough times, Phyllis says that it is her childhood scriptural inspiration, which served as the foundation of her life and ministry. When she was 8 years old, Phyllis learned 300 Bible verses with the help of her father. She had the seeds of God’s Word planted in her heart. The lessons she learned from the Scripture that she memorized formed the foundation that guided her and gave her strength. Today, as CEO of “Lead Like Jesus”, Phyllis stands on that great foundation of her life.

Dr. Billy Graham said, “Even the securest financial plan and the finest health coverage aren’t enough to hold us steady when the challenges come… We need something more, something deeper and unshakeable, something that will see us through life’s hard times.”

Bad times enable us to grow in to maturity
It is said that “The only time you are actually growing is when you’re uncomfortable”. That could be the reason why discomfort is so much a part of life’s plan.

Difficult times make us think about and clarify the purpose and direction of our life. They lead us to those times of solitude and reflection where we ask ourselves the ultimate questions like what is most important for us and what we really want to achieve in life. Such times are the critical moments of our journey towards maturity. James in the second chapter of his epistle reminds us that the end result of various trials is to make us perfect and complete (James 2:2-4). When we endure the tough times, we would emerge as more perfect and complete individuals and groups.

Hardships are opportunities for learning and growth. They deepen our understanding of ourselves, others, and the world around us. They create empathy and openness to a deeper spiritual awareness and introduce us to higher levels of living. Peter in his first letter says, like fire refining the gold, these testing times refine our character that would bring praise and honour to God (1 Peter 1:6-7). Tough times reveal our strengths and the areas in which we need to grow. They also help us recognize our resources we never knew we had.

Challenging times force us to adapt ourselves to changing times and in the process contribute to our growth and development. They help us come to terms with the reality of life and facilitate our transition from one phase of life to another. There is power in crisis that can transform us to become more resilient. As the old saying goes, ‘What does not kill you makes you stronger’. The human spirit has the potential to grow stronger in crisis.
Based on how we respond to adversity and how we change, the difficult times can make us stronger, wiser and purer, because “God takes men into deep waters not to drown them but to cleanse them.”

Viktor Frankl, a Jewish Psychiatrist, through his suffering discovered how these sufferings are essential for making humans complete. In 1942 he, along with his pregnant wife and family members, was taken by Nazi soldiers into the concentration camps. He suffered greatly during the holocaust of the Second World War. He survived four different tortuous and brutal concentration camps in Nazi Germany.

In the last camp he came down with typhoid fever. To avoid fatal collapse during the nights he kept himself awake by reconstructing the manuscripts of his book on slips of paper stolen from the camp office. Finally on 27 April 1945, the camp was liberated by U.S. troops. And then Frankl came to know that his pregnant wife, his parents and his brother had been murdered. In August Frankl returned to Vienna, and slowly overcame his despair. He became the director of the Vienna Neurological Policlinic and contributed significantly to the knowledge and practice of Psychiatry.

In his ground-breaking book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl detailed his perspective of living through the concentration camps. He talked about the “intensification of inner life” that helped prisoners stay alive. According to him, “If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life… Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete….It is thorough the crucible of pain and suffering that we humans achieve our greatest humanity.”

Kahlil Gibran said, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Bad times empower us to comfort others
When we survive tough times experiencing God’s comfort, our life can be a powerful message to the rest of the world. We can be a source of encouragement to others, as we allow love and goodness to flow through us. Paul in his second letter to Corinthians describes it very clearly, saying that when we are comforted by God of mercy in our afflictions, we will be able to take God’s comfort to those who are in afflictions (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Suffering people can become channels of God’s comfort. We are not the source of comfort, but we can become effective communicators of God’s comfort after having experienced it ourselves. Best comfort is the comfort that comes from God, passing through our personal experience.
When people around us are gripped by grief, it’s not easy to cross the deep sea of sorrow to reach them and make sense to them with our fleeting words. But, when we ourselves have suffered, it becomes possible for us to get into the shoes of those who are suffering. The sufferer in us can identify with a suffering neighbour. Our words of comfort become powerful and effective because they come from a deep sense of experience and understanding. We may not have all the answers but we can help them become comfortable with questions, trusting God and his unconditional love.
Once we come out of suffering, we stand as a tall testimony for the fact that “God will take us through,” as we use our experience to provide hope to others. As Oprah Winfrey puts it, “we can turn our wounds into wisdom.” And that wisdom can bring solace to others. When we can help someone else through our experience, then every hurt becomes worthwhile. The world can be comforted not by the ones who are immune to suffering, but by the ones who have been there and can relate with the suffering.

The story of Parameswaran and Choodamani from Nagapattinam demonstrates this point powerfully. On 26 December 2004, which was Parameswaran’s birthday, while his wife was busy cooking a birthday meal, Parameswaran took the rest of the family and the relatives to the beach. “Twenty feet high waves were coming towards me like a mountain,” says Parameswaran as he recollects the scene of tsunami now frozen in his memory.

Parameswaran managed to hold on to his son’s hand for a few seconds. He remembers how the little boy was crying out in terror. But then the force of the wave ripped them apart. When the waters retreated, this time it was the hard fact that hit his heart, that he lost his three children and seven relatives to tsunami. Parameswaran’s home town was one of the most affected areas where around 6,000 people died when the killer wave struck. Hundreds of children were made orphans while thousands were left homeless.

Stricken by this indescribable grief Parameswaran and his wife decided to end their lives. But that night Choodamani had a dream in which she says her children told her to get over her grief and share her love with other children. She says, “It was a turning point.’ So, both of them went around to find many children who were orphaned by tsunami and brought them home and all of them became their children. Today, “Nambikkai” a non-profit started by them is a home to 37 children of different ages including two children born to them after tsunami. All of them are knit together into one big family experiencing love and comfort.

Parameswaran and his wife believe that this incident was God’s way of giving them an opportunity to share love with others. Though the images of the tsunami are still fresh in their minds, they are finally at peace.

Rick Warren said, “Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts…Don’t waste your pain; use it to help others.” 

So, bad times can open ways to a greater benefit in our life, because our God can orchestrate the worst times to bring out best things. As we are all familiar, that is what exactly Paul says in Romans 8:28 – “we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). Let us not be afraid of bad times, because when we go through them, we can, not only become better individuals but also become a blessing to others.

Dr. Prasad Talluri leads the Research & Strategy Management Team in World Vision India. He has a Ph.D. in Zoology, in addition to studies in theology and social work. He has also served as a Lecturer in Zoology. He has authored two books, apart from publishing many articles. He lives with his wife Chandrakantha and daughter Mahima in Chennai.