26 Aug Biblical Concept of Marriage and Family

In God’s Word, marriage is given a very high position because it is the most important relationship among human beings. Heb 13:4 says “Marriage should be honoured by all’. The fabric of biblical truth is woven from Genesis to Revelation with the thread of relationship. There is perfect relationship within the Trinity but broken relationships between God and humans. We see an acrimonious relationship between Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel, a loving relationship between Ruth and Naomi, oppositional relationship between Jezebel and Elijah and strained relationships between Abraham and Lot and Paul and Mark. Thus the Bible has numerous instances where relationships are portrayed vividly. The Ten Commandments are summarized by the Lord Jesus in two very important love relationships, one between humans and God and the second between man/woman and his/her neighbour in Mk 12:30, 31. When God wanted to explain His love for Israel in the Old Testament and the love of Jesus for the Church in the New Testament, God the Holy Spirit used the imagery of the husband and wife relationship.

In the very beginning of human history, God ordained the institution of marriage and family between male Adam and female Eve. He created Eve as a perfectly suitable helper and partner for Adam to enjoy intimate fellowship and togetherness. Soon after the first marriage God gave the most important blueprint for marriage in Gen 2:24, ”For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh”. This three-part commandment, though addressed to man, is equally applicable to the woman.

The goal of marriage is oneness which is clearly stated in Gen 2:24, “They will become one flesh”. Though this oneness indicates sexual union, it extends to the mind and spirit of the two partners, Mk 10:8. This oneness between husband and wife is a reflection of the Triune God Who created them in His image. After the fall of Adam and Eve, this oneness has become difficult to achieve. But it is not an impossibility with the help of God the Holy Spirit following the redemptive work of the Lord Jesus.

In this process of becoming one by the two partners of the marriage, there are two steps to take: one is to leave and the other is to cleave or join. Let us examine the ‘leaving’ part. Both partners are commanded to leave their parents. This leaving does not mean abandoning their parents or severing relationship with them. They should accept the covenant they have entered into to form a new family unit. This is a divine principle. This family unit has its own leadership which is given to the husband by God Himself in His sovereign wisdom (1 Cor 11:3). The husband and wife have a moral responsibility to honor the God-given administrative order in the family institution. Hence both husband and wife should come out of their parental administration for good. The parents should not interfere in the day-to-day administration of this newly formed family unit as it will nullify the husband’s leadership. The husband should not abdicate his God-given role of leadership. This leadership is a loving and servant leadership as exemplified by our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. The wife should whole-heartedly accept her husband’s leadership as designed by God. She should respect him in every aspect.

The second step, which is ‘cleaving’ or ‘joining’ means a shift in the love priority of the husband as well as the wife. After the marriage, the wife should become the person whom the husband loves the most and similarly the husband should become the person whom she loves the most. All others should be given lesser priority. Thus, biblical marriage causes a shift in administrative leadership from parents to husband and priority in love from parents to spouse. If these two steps are not followed, the goal of oneness in marriage cannot be achieved.

When the Word of God clearly states that the wife and husband are no longer two but one flesh (Mk 10:8), how does ‘becoming one’ take place? It is humanly impossible for two different individuals, coming from two different backgrounds, with different personalities, exhibiting differences in many areas psychologically and emotionally to ‘become one’ without the help of the all-powerful Holy Spirit. Becoming one is a divine work of the Holy Spirit when both husband and wife submit to the sovereign authority of God.

Marriage is a covenant made to live in a life-long loving relationship. Man and woman are created for relationship and if there is no love in the husband-wife relationship, it is as good as a dead relationship. A loving relationship thrives on giving, caring, appreciating, comforting, accepting, supporting, helping, forgiving, forbearing etc. Out of such a relationship emerges an intimate fellowship, in which people concerned show mutual interest to understand each other and understanding leads to knowing the minds of each other. It is not easy to know another person’s mind as it is not visible. But the mind becomes audible when the person speaks out. Knowing the spouse’s mind involves communication between husband and wife. Communication is an important part of knowing each other as inner emotions, likes and dislikes, hurt feelings, opinions, outlooks, temperaments, childhood experiences etc. can be shared in an atmosphere of love and acceptance. While communicating, couples have an opportunity to look into each other’s mind. Once they speak to each other with transparency, they start to understand each other’s needs. When needs are met, the partners experience fulfilment and satisfaction. This draws them close to each other. When their minds are united, they are ready for the union of the spirit also. Such couples can unite their spirits in worship, prayer and ministry. This is what is meant by ‘becoming one’.

A Christian family should never underestimate the attacks of the evil one. Satan is a divider. His chief aim is to bring division in the Christian family by deceiving and whispering lies, Jn 8:44. The male ego and the female desire to rule serve as vantage points for him to attack the family. Prayer and obedience to the Word of God are the spiritual weapons against Satan. Both husband and wife should fight as a single unit against him, Eccl 4:12.

Conflicts will arise in every family as two different individuals live in close proximity as husband and wife. Conflicts expose areas of need and areas that need to be corrected. Conflicts in a family should be treated as opportune times for knowing each other. At such times, agape love, patience and meekness should operate to defuse the situation (Col 3:12-15).

Christian families can raise future leaders for the Church and UESI. Parents have the superior responsibility of nurturing and teaching their children, Prov 22:6. They are only stewards of their children and they have to present them to God as responsible citizens useful both for the Church and society.

A Christian family has another responsibility of furthering God’s Kingdom to the extent possible. Every Christian family must be ‘a well of living water’ that satisfies those that come to them and the waters should flow out as ministry and bless the community as well. Every Christian family should fulfil this responsibility of being ‘a light and salt’ and like ‘a house built on a mountain’, Mt 5:13, 14.

Mr. David Rajkumar, M.Sc., M. Phil, retired lecturer in Zoology at Andhra Christian College, Guntur. Senior graduate, Guntur, AP, associated with UESI for the last 45 years. He is married to Dr. Parimala, M.S Ophthalmology. They live in Guntur and are the resource persons on family. They are blessed with son, Immanuel, daughter Dr. Shekinah and three grandsons: Nathan P. Samuel, Chris Levi, and Zac Levi. You can reach him at davidrajkumark@gmail.com