26 Aug Building Blocks in Christian Family

“The family is the ground floor; it’s the foundation. Underneath all of society and all of civilization, Western civilization itself seems to hang on this issue. And if you undermine it, if you weaken it, if you tamper with it, you necessarily threaten the whole superstructure.” These are the words of Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, a psychologist and Christian author of several books on marriage and parenting.

Fundamentally, a family begins with a strong and nurturing marriage—a union between a man and a woman, as designed by God in the Garden of Eden. The initial family was charged by God with a mandate: “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground” (Gen 1:28). This mandate, extending beyond the husband and wife, encompasses the children and generations to come.
Paul, in his letter to the Colossians, talks about the essential virtues needed in a church, Col 3:12-14. Since a family is like the smallest version of a church, these virtues are crucial in a home. These virtues build the home and can create an impact outside the home. How do we embrace these virtues? Paul gives us a clue: “Clothe yourself.” Let’s take that cue, and together, let’s embody these virtues within our own families.

Each family member should put on their ‘compassion lenses’ to understand and feel others’ pain, offering comfort when needed. When someone makes a mistake, they don’t need a lecture; they need empathy. Empathy grows from living a compassionate life.

Close on the heels are the ‘gloves of kindness’ that each one wears. We all need help at some point; no one can do everything alone. Ray Stedman writes that “kindness is action that reveals compassion, action that arises out of a sense of sympathy. It can take many different forms—a smile, a kind word, a pat on the shoulder, an invitation to lunch, an offer of help.

There is no place for pride in a home. Pride cracks the unity in a home, and it cannot grow. Every family needs an ‘apron of humility’. Humility is not thinking less of ourselves but is really not thinking of ourselves at all. Jonathan Edwards, the great man of God, said, “Nothing sets a person so much out of the devil’s reach as humility.”

In families, some have more power, maybe through strength or authority. But when dealing with each other, we need members who wear the ‘shawl of gentleness’. Aristotle defined gentleness as the correct average between being too angry and being never angry at all.

In a family, there’s a mix of different traits—some are intelligent, some are beautiful, smart, wise, or talented, but not everyone has all these qualities at once. Everyone goes through moments of weakness. This is where wearing ‘socks of patience and forbearance’ comes in. Just like you can’t run while wearing socks at home without slipping, these socks help us move slowly and patiently with each other.

In close relationships, it’s normal to feel hurt. Often, those closest to us can cause the most pain. If these hurts aren’t addressed, they can fester and become worse, like an infection. So, what’s the solution? Use your ‘handkerchief of forgiveness’. Just as we use tissues to clean dirt from our hands or faces, forgiveness helps wipe away the hurt. Remember, during COVID, how frequently we wiped our hands to stay safe? Similarly, having a big ‘handkerchief’ of forgiveness helps erase every hurt within the family.

Finally, each family member wears the ‘fragrance of love’. This fragrance spreads a sweet aroma wherever they go. When a family is filled with selfless, agape love, it becomes unshakable and grows into a strong foundation. This love acts as a powerful glue, holding everything together—it’s the most important virtue of all.

Such a family is equipped to reach out to others outside of the family; the extended family, the church, the neighbourhood, the workplace and the society at large. Can your family become such a family clothed with all these virtues?

Mr. Franky Fernandez, has spent nearly 3 decades in the financial services sector. He is a certified executive coach, trains and coaches on personal finances, teaches on family relationships, and is also an author. He is married to Shabeena and they are the parents of two teenage daughters.