26 Aug Leaving a Legacy as God-Centered Parents

• Children are the greatest treasures we can have on earth. They are God’s priceless gifts to us. Paul counsels us to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Eph 6:4)
• Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him . . . Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. (Ps 127: 3&5)
• Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Prov 22:6)

Each of us will leave a legacy behind us that is far greater than what we can imagine. We need to show our children and grandchildren how to live and lead a godly life, show them how to love, show them how to forgive, show them how to give and most of all show them how to live forever with you and the God Who created us.

God has blessed Renuka and me with 3 children as gifts. All 3 children have accepted Christ and married believing spouses by finding God’s will. They all involve in student ministry through UESI as we do. They all keep their home open for mentoring and discipling students and graduates.

If you are married, you have one of the greatest of all opportunities—that of leaving a lasting legacy to your children. To do this you must impart to your sweet children a strong spiritual foundation that equips them to handle whatever the future holds. That means you must be a strong spiritual leader yourself. Don’t leave behind only personal memories. As wonderful as they are, memories fade with time. And don’t leave behind only financial security. Seek to leave behind a tower of spiritual strength that is being built now, today, through your godly example.

Perhaps the greatest legacy you can leave behind is another godly generation. Humanly speaking, Christianity is only one generation away from extinction. You are to pass on to your children the truth about Christ and Christian living. Your faith ought to become their faith. Nowadays graduates become so busy with their work and UESI ministry. But, taking care of children lies squarely on the shoulder of the parents.

As parents, we know that we cannot grant salvation to our children. We cannot give them eternal life. No, that’s God’s job. But you and I can provide the right kind of godly influence in the home that will point our children to the Saviour. The reality of Jesus must first be evident in your life before you can point your children to that same reality. Children rather look at your life than listening to what you say. All our children accepted Christ when they were in their school-going age. Our last daughter accepted Christ when she was 8 years old. Now her daughter too accepted Christ when she was also 8 years old.

Your children may sometimes resist your Christian focus and involvement in UESI. They may complain about your direction for their lives. But don’t give in. There is a war going on for their souls and for their purity, just as there is a war going on for your soul and your purity. Do your part to provide a godly influence, and trust God to do the rest.

The Apostle Paul took God’s priorities for life and made them his own. He had a significant impact on everyone around him. From Paul’s example, you will learn how to:

• Let God’s power work in and through you.
• Acquire discernment for making right decisions and choices.
• Pursue holiness that allows God to work through you unhindered.
• Children should follow the parents as much as they follow Christ.

How can you connect intentionally with children? By modelling God-like relationship with children.

1. Your children are the greatest gift and their souls are the heaviest responsibility in your hands.  Take time with them, and teach them to have faith in Christ. When you are old, nothing else you’ve done will have mattered as much.
2. Walk the talk.  Children have never been perfect at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them in some way. Children should see the model of love and relationship between us and would like to have similar love and relationship in their families.
3. Your children need you to love them for who they are, not spend all your time trying to fix them.
4. Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.
5. Parents can only guide by example and put their offspring on the right path, but the final forming of a person’s character and life-story lies in their own hands.
6. All details aside, if you have never been “hated” by your kid for a short time, you have never truly been a parent.  A harsh truth, I know.
7. It’s absolutely impossible to protect your children from disappointment in life.  Some things you just have to live through to learn.
8. One of the best things you can do for your children as they grow is to let go and allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong and responsible, allow them the freedom to experience things on their own terms, allow them to take the bus or the train and learn from life firsthand – allow them to be better people, allow them to believe more in themselves and do more by themselves.
9. We should instruct the children and discipline them; but should not provoke them to anger (Eph 6:4). Teach them about God and spiritual things.
10. Be consistent in your talk and behaviour.
11. Play with them.
12. Tell them that you love them.
13. Look for good things in children and not just the bad.
14. Don’t pressure them too much to excel.
15. Believe them and believe in them.
16. Share your life, the good and the bad, that they might learn from you.
17. Let them see how Christ has worked in your life and how He continues to work, even though you may have failed miserably as a younger person.
18. Point them towards heaven as your time on earth is most likely shorter than theirs; let them know how family can all live together forever.
19. Talk to them straight about sensitive subjects.
20. Guide them towards good marriages by modelling a good one.

How can you connect intentionally with grand children?

1. Do not dishonour their parents – if you disrespect their parents, they will disrespect their parents and that is simply not scriptural. (Because a house divided cannot stand).
2. Do not change the rules – you must enforce and honor the rules of the parents – if bedtime is 9:00 p.m in their house, then bedtime is 9:00 p.m at your house too.
3. If your grandson/granddaughter cannot have chocolate in his/her house, then he/she cannot eat at grandma’s house either.
4. Do not extend your authority over the grandchildren. God has placed the parents of the children in authority over them, not on the grandparents. Understand God’s accountability lies on the heads of the parents. Grandparents must not divide God’s chain of command.
5. Never correct the parent in front of the child.
6. Do not take sides if there is a dispute – a conflict or separation or divorce in the family. But teach the child to honour and respect both of his/her parents.
7. Do not speak badly about either of his/her parents. It amounts to speaking badly about the child.

Releasing children on their own (Your role as support and advisor). When they have accepted the Lord and connected to a good fellowship to grow spiritually, giving freedom to decide what to study, where, whom to marry, etc. Not interfering in their married life. Consider them as a separate unit able to decide on their own with the help of the Lord. If they want, they may consult you or anybody in the Fellowship. You don’t question them.

1. Our first daughter’s family was staying with us in the duplex portion of the house; but there was no interference from us on where they went, how they spent their money and time. We may have common food sometimes; but not always. Sometimes our daughter feeds us. Sometimes our grandchildren are fed by us depending on our schedules.
2. Our son took a house separately in Bangalore after marriage and we were meeting once in a while either in his house or in our house. Our daughter-in-law is treated as a daughter. She had declared in her college that we were her second parents which I heard from her guide when I met him once. She addresses us as Daddy and Mummy.
3. Passing on the inheritance without being biased. We have worked out how the inheritance is to be shared without any bias between girl or boy child.

JSA Julius is retired from Customs Department. Since his student-days, he has been involving in UESI ministry and served as President of UESI-AP, UESI-Karnataka & National UESI. He lives in Bengaluru with his wife Renuka and they are still actively involving in UESI. All their 3 children’s families also involve in UESI ministry.